its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
