she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
