Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
