some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just gift wrapped bread.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
