I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
