Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
