bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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