I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
