I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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