Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
