She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
