never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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