Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
