in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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