we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
