They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
