guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You can't motorboat a personality
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
