Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
