You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
