I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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