Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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