If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
