dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
