go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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