is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
