how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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