Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
