did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
