What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
