Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
