there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
