i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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