tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
