Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
