..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She is in my trunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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