I cannot find my penis.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize