Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
