I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
