I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
