I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
false alarm, still single
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
