i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
