i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
