You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
