but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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