Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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