elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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