Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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