So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
