Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
