My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
