omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
