we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
