see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
