looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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