i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
