Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
