After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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