when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
