she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
