best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
