i think my mom watched the whole time
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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