FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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