How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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