You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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