My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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