My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
