I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
