his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
