Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
