Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
