I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
