I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
