one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
