I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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