Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
