U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
bring money and cleavage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
